Reflections on Romania

I have had a difficult time processing my time in Romania, a time that so many of you prayed for the work and prayed for me to find direction. I appreciate your prayers, so much, knowing that our Father is faithful, far beyond what we understand or even what we can see.

           

I went to Romania in August with expectations – the hope that my heart would hear a little better from the Lord about that country while I was actually in it and also that by seeing firsthand what that organization was doing, I might have peace about applying to join them for a couple of years or more.

The trip was not what I expected. Everything seemed very serious to me, while I was there – I was making important life decisions and I had to be very serious about it. Mike, another American on the team, kept asking me “Are you excited to be here? – because you don’t seem excited.”

Well, I’m not 21, I kept thinking… I’m a little older, a little wiser and a little bit more serious about life.

But Mike had a lot to teach me.

We talked a lot during some of the evenings and I learned more of his story…. That he’s been through tough things too and had to let go of expectations.

And I realized how tight I was holding the things I love – both Romania and home. I was holding onto the heart-breaking thought of leaving behind my family and everything I’ve known my whole life. I was holding onto the fear of working in an environment so intense that I lose my stamina (as has happened before). I was holding onto the dream of a simple life in which I get to marry somebody and raise a family while planning on someday sitting in twin rocking chairs on our front porch.

By going to Romania, I think I was telling God, “show me what you have for me and I’ll decide if this is worth the trade. “ And at the same time I was mourning the loss of my small dreams and all that I hold dear, before God even asked me to let it go.

Holding it tight and weeping over it – I don’t think this is what God had in mind for me.

Because it was me focusing on… me.

Mike, the ever-excitable Mike, had lost some things in his life. But he had allowed God to shape his focus, to give and to take away each in their own season. And the work of God filled him with joy.

I don’t want it to sound like I had a miserable time in Romania – quite the opposite! But it was a heavy time for me, even as I enjoyed working with the kids and getting to know our team.

A friend today encouraged me that our feelings are not wrong – they are what we are experiencing. What we do with them is a whole other matter, but God can use our feelings to teach us things… for me that might be that it’s ok to set aside the plans for the future – to trust Him with the future – and just enjoy today, whatever He has set before me in this day.

So, Mike, yes, I’m excited. Whether or not I’m showing it very clearly, I’m excited for the plans of the future and the steps of today, because I know who is directing the path. And He’s teaching me how to wait patiently for Him.

I had a fantastic time in Romania – but much more importantly than that, our team got to see people come to the Lord, got to encourage the believers there, and got to learn a lot about following God in the context of another culture.

I will be posting some Romania pictures and stories over the next week.